I have literally been running on like negative 50% power these days. And I don’t know why because I totally sleep! I sleep a lot! My baby is out between 6:30-7:15 every night and my sweet husband has been waking up with him most mornings. So why am I always so exhausted? Who knows.
On another note, we took our 6-month-old (YES, HE’S ALREADY 6 MONTHS OLD!!!) to the pediatrician for his check-up and we talked to her about how he’s not napping much during the day. She simply said “the more you sleep, the more you sleep”, meaning that if by some gift of God he actually does fall asleep during the day, it’ll all work itself out because he’ll just end up sleeping more. crazy right?? I don’t know. Science. Anywho, I wonder if that’s also what’s happening with me! It makes sense right? I think it makes sense. Rant over.
So lately I’ve been doing a mixture of things. I’ve been singing background vocals on an album for a local Houston artist, which is nice because it’s keeping me singing. I’m also helping my husband do research for a book he’s writing about a minor league football team called the Pottstown Firebirds (pottstownfirebirds.org) which is stretching my “editing” muscle. And of course, I’m still doing writing of my own. Mainly in poetry but I’m also dabbling in fiction because that’s always fun! Oh and (for anyone who doesn’t know) I’m a wife, full-time mom, and full-time student, so there’s that!
I think that writing works in phases. For me at least. I started writing when I was a kid. Maybe ten or eleven. And I wrote little short stories and songs, which is what got me heavy into songwriting. As I got older, I started to stick to one kind of writing at a time and it helped me to really better myself in a specific area, but it also meant that, as I began to work my way back to the other side of my creative writing, I had somewhere between one week and a month of really crap writing. It’s kinda like exercise. Actually, it’s exactly like muscle memory. The more you do something the better you are at it. And of course, transitioning from poetry to lyrics, for example, meant that I had to reacquaint myself with whatever instrument I’d been neglecting over the last few months. And I would get so frustrated with myself. I’d be all, “this poem sucks. like what is this?” Or when I’d barely squeeze a song out, I’d start comparing myself to other people. But the thing is that 1. people are all at completely different places in their lives than I am, and 2. what they do and how they do it has absolutely nothing to do with me. Now, this is something I’ve struggled with for basically my whole life. Comparing myself to others. Let me be very clear. All it’s done is kept me from moving forward. It’s kept me from believing in myself, it kept me in a little box, and it made things SUPER awkward at times because I would always congratulate the person who was doing well, but I didn’t always genuinely mean it.
Anyway, something I’ve really learned over the last five years or so is that it’s important for me (and maybe this isn’t what’s right for everyone) to continue to live my own life, not try to replicate someone else’s. It’s especially important for me to do things that I want to do and enjoy doing, not what someone tells me I should be doing! Being a wife and mom, a student, an aspiring writer, and even singing again are all things that make ME happy. I love all of it. And I’m doing things I’m good at. But most of all, I’m not comparing myself to any other wives or mothers or writers or musicians. Because I’m me. BE YOU : )